On being Twice as Excellent to get Half as Much

Hello colleague and friend,

W’re back at the library after spring break and I just had a conversation with one of my coworkers that i thought i would talk about today.

We had a re-opening party for our library today and there were cheese sandwiches of a mysterious nature that were displayed as a spread for the event. Open to the public, being breathed on, and touched by many hands. I ate two of them. Unfortunately they did not mix well with the protein shake that i had this morning, and i was indisposed on my lunch break. This is a normal part of life but one of my co-workers who had just arrived decided to cover the reference desk in my abscence. I returned to work when I easily could have made the decision to go home and sort out my issues in the bathroom. But no, like someone who has to support a team, I grabbed some immodium and returned to work.

My Co-worker felt the need to give me a stern “talking to” about communicating when I’m going to be absent. I took it in stride and said that communicating more ahead of time is something that I acknowledge and am actively improving. But she also told me that she had gone to the bank and things didnt quite go her way, so she was in a bad mood so I don’t think it was just me that was the impetus for the conversation.

Her “bad mood” from her bank trip was apparently license to disregard me for having a real human body that does human body things.

I’m understanding that in my position as a double minority in this industry I have to be twice as excellent just to be viewed as average. I am a male, and I am also a minority. My punctuality, work ethic and work product has to be beyond reproach, even still to get less recognition. Again, the option to go home for the day was open to me, but I took the conservative route, with medication and returned to work. Its hard not to feel a way when my effort to support my team is not validated.

Libraries like every other industry has a retention problem when it comes to african americans. We are disporportionately represented in roles that require a masters degree, often underpaid in the roles that we do have, and we are often the only black person in the workplace. The daily struggle to find commonality with my co-workers while trying to remain authentic and not succumbing to tokenism, or “uncle tom” aura is a battle that doesnt even register in most of the minds of my non black co-workers.

Thankfully, Leadership has taken note of my ability to take initiative for projects, volunteer for new opportunities, complete tasks, my zest for professional and external learning, and most importantly my ability to communicate well both written and verbally.

As a double minority at my job I am both so much more visible and not seen at the same time. Any shortcomings are much more visible and targeted if not by systemic management practices then used as reason to discredit my effort and sacrifices for the job by same level employees. Any extra effort is simply seen as fulfilling the duties of the job rather than what it actually is– exceling at work.

Another thing to mention is that all of my Co-Workers are at least 20+ years older than me. I say this to imply that their lives are “settled” with a degree of regularity. I am but a young man just starting his journey. Navigating family life, responsibilties at home, and full time employment, while still trying to maintain friendships and a healthy work life balance, is challenging and conversations like the one today remind me constantly that my experience is not respected or valued by some co-workers. Seniority can simply be in a bad mood, and therefore have the right to be critical or negligent simply because their identity offers a position of status.

This is not to say that all co-workers are this way, in fact many of them are kind, compassionate, and understanding. We just need to make empathy the norm, regardelss of if you are “in a bad mood”.

To preserve my esteem, Instead of trying to be twice as excellent and recieving average reviews from co workers, The goal for April 2026 is to be 3x as excellent. I’m not sure how to measure distilled excellence but we can try to improve

Starting with:

Punctuality, Organization, Communication.

I can’t anticipate for all of life’s events, but I won’t let the shady remarks deter me from being the best librarian I can be. One that holds on to awareness and compassion for others.

I hope this post finds you being rewarded for your effort apporpiately. I hope you are valued at your workplace, and I hope that you are given space to maintain great work life balance. Let’s start April with even more desire to succeed and transform lives.

Best,